Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Short Story 5.0

Here's the yucky mess that I have so far. I admit that at this point I'm tired of the girl in the water. And, I've been consumed with helping kids revise their work. But I promise that I'll complete it soon!
:)

With an electric, explosive effort, and with the echoing beating of her own heart playing as a drummer's intense percussive rhythm in her clogged ears, she breathed. She surfaced. She convulsively inhaled the salt-licked air that fused with the depths of the unknown that cradled her. Rocking back and forth, up and down, the frantic panic still possessed her with a daunting omnipotence, a dominance that both frightened and seduced her. Something unfathomable and primal haunted her still, an eerie sensation that at any moment something might have the courage to nip at her toes, to caress her arms, to envelop her soul. A kiss in the dark, taking her breath away. But her memories were a frighteningly cold and heartless leviathan, immeasurably angry, and betraying to a shocking degree. And that was only at the surface. Darkness blanketed the sky above in various hues of deepened blues and pinks, the twinkling stars in a furious dash around the world, racing against the sun, failing at their charge day in, day out. Diamonds in the sky teased her with their freedom, their speed. Lured into a slumb’ry dream, the persistence of the watery clouds bleeding across the sable velvet of the evening heavens waned, content to relinquish their form to the winds once more. But in the undertow of her soul and at the core of her liquid heart she drowned in the knowledge that what lay beneath lurked ominously - a predator, a force parasitically preying on optimism…softly, gently, rhythmically. Threshing within inches, with smooth, musical strokes, the precision of the movement cast a current of energy through her veins. Lustful, charming, with fiery purpose and hunger, the desire consumed her entirely as she relinquished her soul to the knowledge that eluded her until now.

Tempted by her innermost secret dark desires, she rested on the bed of waves, the cooing sway of the water playing with her hair as it would the grassy seaweed. She did not, for many moments, think, or otherwise

***************

And here I end for now. Below are my notes and mimic phrases so I don't lose them.

Any advice or comments are appreciated!

I did not, for some weeks, strike, or otherwise violently ill use it; but gradually -- very gradually -- I came to look upon it with unutterable loathing, and to flee silently from its odious presence, as from the breath of a pestilence.


Fathoms below, the haunting remnants of the light danced and tickled each other through the invisible currents. There, the chill of the deafening silence was warming and tender. One could easily get lost in the prismatic lure of the beast’s belly, with its enticing amniotic hum of the deep and the safety of knowing that the outside world was miles away.

“This latter was a remarkably large and beautiful animal, entirely black, and sagacious to an astonishing degree.”


It was this unfathomable longing of the soul to vex itself -- to offer violence to its own nature -- to do wrong for the wrong's sake only -- that urged me to continue and finally to consummate the injury I had inflicted upon the unoffending brute. One morning, in cool blood, I slipped a noose about its neck and hung it to the limb of a tree; -- hung it with the tears streaming from my eyes, and with the bitterest remorse at my heart; -- hung it because I knew that it had loved me, and because I felt it had given me no reason of offence; -- hung it because I knew that in so doing I was committing a sin -- a deadly sin that would so jeopardize my immortal soul as to place it -- if such a thing were possible -- even beyond the reach of the infinite mercy of the Most Merciful and Most Terrible God.

Evil thoughts became my sole intimates -- the darkest and most evil of thoughts.

Mimic Phrase from Black Cat: I like it because it is descriptive without being trite.

“This latter was a remarkably large and beautiful animal, entirely black, and sagacious to an astonishing degree.”

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